Misery
Misery is a silent assassin, with the unique skill of crushing one using the slightest touch and yet, absolving itself of all blame as little more than a passing shadow. Some days, it drizzles, other days, it pours, and deceptively hoodwinks you into a comfort zone when it appears to shine. Forcing a reluctant smile in this blizzard appears the one consolation in an otherwise tumultuous ruction enveloping the scene.
Lost, confused and hesitant, but what about pre-conceived ideas that never fade even with the passing of time? Even with the passing of the seasons, the scars remain deeply entrenched and words that seem to evoke humour sometimes slice across with the sharpest blade...
If there is sunshine after the rain, it can never come any sooner...
Footloose
And so after a long hiatus, I have returned to this familiar space, a little wiser, a little older and a little more apprehensive of the upcoming months. Sure, things were not looking up for long periods and as old faith faded, new hope arose to take its place. The last two weeks have been nothing besides joy, joy in a cold and unforgiving winter that threatens to break into a crushing freeze, engulfing one in an icy embrace.
A visit to the Twelve Apostles was accompanied by a long road trip spanning across three states and culminating in a domestic flight to the warmer regions. Yes, those days were filled with excitement and awe at the sights of geological wonders. Posing for a photograph in near zero conditions provided the perfect backdrop to an otherwise uneventful viewing.
An unplanned detour to Cleland Conservation park turned out to be equally rewarding as we immersed ourselves into nature and observed its creations up close. More on that in the next instalment as I end this post abruptly for an interruption...
Derailed
After a week filled with surprises and shocks, I am happy to just sit at the computer and enjoy the peace and tranquillity. Nothing more, nothing less... Just me, the empty room and speakers playing The Killers to acquit my mind from the extraordinary events that have occurred of late...
Vexed may not even come a close second in describing my current state of mind...
Such is life
A topsy-turvy period that has not stopped spinning in confusing circles, where expectations clash with disappointment...a bedlam.
The peremptory tone rained down on languorous minds, casting a blank look faraway into the distance.
Such is life...
Reading
In a few more days, my sojourn here would have come to another conclusion. It was my own volition to engage in the numerous activities that kept me constantly on the move rather than taking a long break. I am glad that I have made new friends, widened my own horizons and taken on more responsibilities and duties.
No, its nothing to crow about but at least I have felt the warmth of family and friends. And no, its nothing more I can ask for at this moment.
Reading has taken on a life on its own these few days. While I am not a compulsive reader (of fiction, that is), I profess to spending quite a few hours in the day with a book in one hand and a cup of coffee in the other. Perhaps its penance for my lacklustre fictional reading, something which certain quarters consider unmentionable for a Literature student. But change I will endeavour and no longer shall I hem and haw when interrogated on my reading, that is until the next eleventh hour assignment whisks my fragile attention towards the daunting task.
One bad habit, however, continues to dog me. Lacking the patience to tie myself to one book, I have been multi-reading across a few titles. While they do all get finished (a big eventually here), I take a longer time than usual. Bad habits are harder to kick eh?
Till then...nonchalantly proceeds to flip page of book 2 while contemplating a lunge at book 3 with purposeful intent...
B and I
It has been eons since B and I have gone out together. Work, schedule clashes, appointments and my perpetual absence have slowly eroded the close relationship we once shared. Living in different worlds did not help and instead, accelerated the rift and drift into emphasised polar extremities.
B possessed a tall and lean physique, while I, a diminutive and rotund presence. He wears his hair long, while I, sport the short cut. B prefers trends and fashion, while I, don the plain and dull. He wears his heart on the sleeve, while I, embed my thoughts in the deepest crevices. Such differences, such diversions...so dissimilar but, yet, so interdependent.
Amidst B's grouchy and moody ramblings, the day turned out fine. Jokes came few and far in between and conversations were peppered with aphorisms. His taciturn nature was challenged by my garrulous character. B gave in and started answering my endless flow of questions. He was mistaken that terse statements would fob me off; they merely whetted my voracious appetite.
He claimed he was shanghaied into coming out and my guilt got the better of me. I halted and he smiled, a fleeting moment of relief and unexplained joy. Silence was his salvation but it was my nightmare. I grimaced...
A strange combination some may call but in a world of so many differences, Mother Nature has her own quiet way of reminding us our common link... An open order at lunch left the choice of my meal to B's discretion. Just as he walked off, a voice in my head yelled out, 'Claypot Rice!'...too late...or so I thought. Almost telepathically, he returned with two steaming bowls of claypot rice...
A simple action bearing such deep and implicit meaning. Best claypot rice I ever had, even if the rice was burnt and the portion too small to fill up one's stomach. Mother Nature working her magic and building us a bridge over these troubled waters. Deja vu does not come close, not even a distant third.
And they say, blood is (still) thicker than water...
Sleepless
As the clock struck midnight, the twelve long thuds celebrated another year in my life. Looking back, the last few years have been nothing short of an adventure. To call it exciting, however, would be too simple and to call it harrowing would be, well, wrong.
The winds blow gently and the curtains part gradually but yet, that moment of serenity can never be perfect in my mind for too many a false dawns have robbed my imagination, my ideas...
I see the missing pieces but there is mere emptiness when I reach out...the bite of transience stung badly..
Somewhere it must exist...The search continues, albeit, more purposefully than ever.
